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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance can become “highly unrealistic”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

In his case, these times of heightened ego are usually succeeded by a “crash”, during which he feels overwhelmed and embarrassed about his behavior, leaving him highly sensitive to disapproval from others. He came to wonder he might have NPD after researching his symptoms through digital sources – and was later evaluated by a clinician. However, he is skeptical he would have taken the label if he hadn’t already reached that conclusion on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – most notably if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And that world is like, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

Although people have been identified with narcissism for decades, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the diagnosis. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception linked to the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like seeking admiration,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Sex-Based Distinctions in Narcissism

Though three-quarters of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are males, research indicates this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be more socially permissible, similar to everything in society,” notes an individual who shares content on her dual diagnosis on social media. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Personal Struggles

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she says, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is sometimes referred to as “self-esteem damage”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, if my words are controlling, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures during development. I’ve had to teach myself all this time what is and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I never had that growing up,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my household were insulting me in my early years.”

Origins of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be linked to early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to manage during childhood”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “persist in applying those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult says when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of loving someone, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for talking therapy on the public health system (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is likely to occur in a few months.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his condition, because “prejudice is common that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he comments. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of individuals sharing their stories and the development of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number